Feeding the Bat

I have realized over the past few days, that I have quickly become something of a minor celebrity on this boat. Everywhere I go, people stop me and ask what is different about me, or they stop me and ask me for advice in how they too can lose weight/get fit/be happy.

My workout partner is usually receiving the same treatment from the Navy side of the house. He admits that he is more in the role of my “Boy Wonder”. Even though, I’m proud of him for finally beating me at a workout the other day. I did 17 rounds of Cindy, because I hate push-ups, and he did 20 (because he destroys push-ups).

So anyways, I usually start asking questions of those that come to me for advice, questions like, “What are you eating?” “Do you enjoy sodas? How often?” “What is your relationship to bread?” “Do you mind a little torture?” and finally “What is your credit card number, expiration date, and security code?” For some reason, people are very reluctant to answer that last question…

When I ask what people are eating, the common reply is “Whatever is being served on the messdeck.”  (Messdeck is a term used on a US Naval vessel to mean cafeteria.)  Usually the food consists of two choices of meat (most of the time either fried or covered in a sauce), two choices of starch (which they give in bounty), and two choices of veggies (usually corn with beans or mixed veggies, steamed/boiled so long that all flavor and crispness is gone.  Imagine putting a soggy, piece of cardboard into your mouth.)

Here is my gripe with the options.  We preach to the military about making healthy positive choices, then don’t give them those options.  Now, let me be VERY CLEAR…I AM NOT A NUTRITIONIST!  I cannot tell you why things are bad, and I cannot tell you the science behind what they do to your body.  I am just a guy, that read a little bit of a book, got the general idea about the Paleo lifestyle, and then I made an attempt.

This is the most important thing I can pass on…I don’t know WHAT I’m doing, right or wrong, I just know that what I’m doing is WORKING for me.  So to clear up, and maybe give you an idea of the unrealistic way I’m doing things, let me detail for you, my typical day.

I work nights so I get up at 6pm.

1st Meal (6:30pm):  Apple and PB, Protein Shake, 32 oz of water

Snack (9pm):  Apple and PB OR Fiber One Chocolate chip cookie (I know…not very Paleo, but I LOVE “poop” cookies.)

2nd Meal (10:30pm):  Meat (whatever is not fried/sauced/mixed into a pasta), veggies (load them up…I got Texas Pete’s Hot Sauce), 32 oz of water

GYM at 1:30am

Post-workout (3:30-4:30am):  Apple and PB

Breakfast (5:30am): Protein shake OR hardboiled eggs/sausage(or bacon)/32 oz of water

 

And there you have it.  Simple.  Like I said, it’s fairly unrealistic, I don’t expect people to follow my example.  When I tell people what I do daily, the common response is, “Oh, I couldn’t live without my….” (insert carb here)…I usually reply with, then if this is what you HAVE to eat, only eat it once in a while.  I have a cheat meal every week!  I am very sensible about what I have, meaning that I won’t go carb crazy, maybe a bowl of Frosted Mini-wheats and a slice of French Toast with my usual breakfast.  But I chase it with a good amount of water.

If they have bananas out, I will try to replace an apple with a banana, because banana and PB is about the greatest thing in the world.  Trust me.  And surprise, surprise…once a week, I have popcorn and 1 soda.  I didn’t add this to my diet for the first 2 months.  LET ME BE VERY CLEAR:  My first two months of this project, I ate STUPIDLY CLEAN!!!!

Now that I have rambled on for a time about what I am doing on ship, I want to let you in on my plans for when I finally get back home.

There is a great company out there, Isagenix.   Their chocolate protein shake is about the greatest thing I have ever had, throw a packet of that into a blender, a little ice, and a banana! (or powdered Peanut Butter)  BAM!  Breakfast of champions!

But the greatest thing about this organization…they have these energy drinks called..  E+ shots.  Yep, I’m going to give a shameless plug for these little suckers.  These are probably the most tasty, easy to drink, amazing shots of energy that could be packaged.  They are so good, I am tempted to offer parts of my body to scientific research for a box of them.  Better than 5-hour energy.

There is also the 30 day cleanse.  I am not a fan of cleanses, normally.  But a few years ago, I did this with my wife, and it was probably the coolest thing.  I dropped 18 pounds of garbage out of my cells.  I mean, seriously, I felt like a new man.  Every so often, I do a 2 day “re-cleanse”…and will drop 8 pounds (on average for me).  Serious body reset.

Finally, I want to talk about my favorite things (other than the E+ shots…seriously, they are amazing)…the SNACKS!  They have the Whey things (Sour Cream and Onion!!!!!) and the soups! (Wild Mushroom!).  I could live my whole life and eat those two together everyday for lunch, and never once get sick of it.

So my proposed plan will be

Breakfast:  Chocolate shake (with PB or Banana)

Lunch: Wild Mushroom soup and Whey Thins (and a little left over protein from previous dinner)

Dinner:  Whatever amazing food my wife decides to cook up.  I mean really, anyone that has eaten anything she has made can tell you…she should be in business!!!

Snacks: Apple and Almond Butter (I prefer Almond Butter over Peanut Butter, because Peanuts are not very Paleo)

 

Now the final thoughts I have.

If anyone is looking to get me anything for just being awesome, Rouge Fitness has amazing T-shirts.  I have been spending a lot of time lately looking at that site.  They specialize in turning garages into Crossfit gyms!  How cool is that!?

And I finally accomplished what I have always wanted to do…I created a MONSTER workout.   Be advised, I did the testing for this workout on myself…and I threw up in my own mouth.  My usual workout partner (Boy Wonder) did the first set, and tapped out…It wasn BRUTAL!!!!!   You’ve been warned…have fun!

Unicorn Poop

*For Time*
40 KettleBell Combos
1k row
1 min rest
30 KettleBell Combos
1k row
1 min rest
20 KettleBell Combos
1k row
1 min rest
10 KettleBell Combos
1k row
1 min rest
40 KettleBell Combos
1k row

*KettleBell Combo is:  1 two-handed swing + 1 right handed swing + 1 left handed swing + 1 eight count bodybuilder = 1 KettleBell Combo*

 

 

 

 

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